[pre]Where have you gone,
Sunshine boy?
The clouds have gathered
Around your once glowing face
And you set, you sink, you darken.
The shadows extinguish your light
And I see you no more.
Where are you now,
Sunshine boy?[/pre]
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Canary word: Present
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
This is a good read. I pictured the sun while reading this.
Good job!
lovely read. really lovely.
Lovely. You express yourself perfectly, and I can't fault it. The flow is good. It might be interesting, as Adna said, to try extending it.
Jas
As niteowl said, short and sweet:) It's very effective, no useless fluff in there. I wonder if there's room to make it longer, though? Just a thought. Nothing wrong with it like it is:)
Good job, and keep writing! More poetry, dare I hope?
*adna*
WOW, that was really good!!
very short and effective.=]
i agree with niteowl-ont the fifth line the And doesn't need to be there.
=) x
I loved this. Short and sweet. One tiny critique: The first "And" doesn't need to be there. I would put a period on the line before it and make that line "You set, you sink, you darken." one sentence.
Great job and keep writing!
Pretty good.
Noted and applied. Thanks
Wow! I loved that!
.
The imagery was great, and I remain unsure what it symbolizes (which I am sure it does) but it is great, because it makes me think about it more.
Nice and short, got to the point, no faffy waste of spaces.
'And I see you no more'
I would put a period at the end of this. Flows better
So, ye! Great!
Keep writing!
~Mark~
I like it. It has good flavor and flows well. May we see more poems from you in the future.